Um…..
This is definitely the hardest day yet. I don’t really have secrets! I’m a pretty open person, especially on this blog. My mental health used to be a secret, but not any more, I’m out an proud as far as that goes.
I’ve had a lot of secrets in the past. Usually things I didn’t want people to find out because I was ashamed. Embarrassed for whatever reason, because people would judge me and I did not want to be judged! My other reason for keeping secrets was to stay out of trouble. It was never anything bad, but my definition of being in trouble was as simple as a raised voice from another person.
I think before I act now. It means that while I still make mistakes (we all do), I don’t put myself in positions that I don’t want people knowing about, for fear of being judged. I also am working on my definition of being in trouble, but I’ve grown up enough to be able to own anything that I do that could ‘get me in trouble.’
I can keep a secret. If you tell me something you don’t want someone else knowing, I’ll keep it. If I feel like I have a really good reason not to keep it, I’ll tell you that, but from what I can remember that’s only happened once.
I’m an open book and that’s the way I like it.
Smiles and Sunshine
Katie
The Happy Healthy Kiwi 
That’s how I felt, lol. Now I prefer to keep my conscious clear and free.
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It sure makes life less stressful!
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Very!
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Being judged has always been an issue with me. When I went down far into dark rabbit hole, I would spend most of my time, when out in the world, judging others before they could judge me so when they would judge me harshly (and I knew they would eventually get around to it) I would able to say “I don’t care about your opinion of me.” But as you so aptly pointed out, I was being driven by both some feeling of shame about something I was sure they could read on my face and the fear of getting into “trouble.”
Your comment “but my definition of being in trouble was as simple as a raised voice from another person” rings so true, Working with and moving forward with all my mental stuff, there are so many ways to describe what “working with” means. “I also am working on my definition of being in trouble, but I’ve grown up enough to be able to own anything that I do that could ‘get me in trouble.’” is a great way to phrase from one perspective what “working with” means. Thanks.
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Thank you for your comment. It’s crazy how our fear of judgment or being in trouble effects us and makes us act. I hope that you too are achieving baby steps.
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