I gave myself a couple of days break from the blog. I’ve had an incredibly busy couple of days and I didn’t want to put too much pressure on myself, I had enough going on without that already and I have learned that stressing about my blog posts doesn’t actually help anyone. It makes me rush and then I worry about the standard of my posts, it’s just not worth it, so I decided a couple of days break was a good idea. And I even managed to not stress about it, which is quite the achievement!
I had quite a big weekend, it was Zombies birthday, I had a work do and a gig with friends, and I now completely realize that I am getting way too old to be having big nights out two nights in a row. I had an absolute blast though, a few too many drinks but a weekend that was just fun, no drama, no anxiety, just happiness and laughter and of course a sore head.
For today’s topic I’ve decided to go with honesty as something that’s important to me. And my reason is simple. I have been lied to or about too many times to count and I have also lied myself far too many times.
We are human, therefore we lie. We all do it, maybe only a little, harmless white lies to protect someone are an example. It’s when the lies get big and start affecting people that its bad.
I used to lie a lot, to save my own ass and also to protect other peoples feelings. From ‘wasn’t me’ when I was a child to agreeing with people when I didn’t want to to avoid conflict, lying was a big part of my every day life. I wasn’t even bothered by it. For some reason I never felt bad.
I wasn’t one of those people who lies so often that they believe the stories they make up themselves, but eventually I did realize that I wasn’t doing anyone any favours by telling little lies all the time, least of all myself.
Part of the reason for this, was the sheer amount I was being lied to in return. I’ve had a couple of friends and ex’s in the past who I sometimes wonder if any part of our relationships were based on honesty at all. There were the times that I was blatently lied to and I would accept it because of who it was. That’s just what they were like. And of course I’d lie right back, then most likely go off and tell someone my own version of events, that were always slightly embellished as well. And of course there were the broken promises with all the made up excuses to justify them.
I also lied constantly about my mental health. I told a few people, but only people that I felt I could trust. Some of these people I couldn’t trust, but at the time I felt like I could. I pretended I was fine sometimes and other times I pretended I was worse. I played pretend a lot.
Accepting my flaws was a huge help in helping me realize the extent of my dishonesty. None of it was overly harmful, but when grouped together, it was a negative ball of energy that followed me around and made my life a lot more dramatic than it needed to be. With being honest I have formed some deeper bonds with some friends and severed others that were detrimental to my own wellbeing. The latter is certainly a difficult thing to do, but sometimes it is better for both parties involved to go their seperare ways and stop hurting each other.
Honestly is not always the best policy. The age old question a lot of women ask, ‘does my bum look big in this?’ It’s dangerous territory to say yes, but there actually are plenty of ways to get around this question without getting yourself into trouble for lying or being too honest, although personally I never ask this question because I don’t want the answer I know is true.
In short, while I don’t reveal every little detail about myself on this blog or to everyone I meet, if I discuss it on here, its the truth and I also will no longer say things to keep myself out of trouble, or to protect others if its in their best interest to know the truth. In doing so, I’ve received a lot more honesty from the people surrounding me too, which is all I can ask for.
Smiles and Sunshine