100 Happy Days 51/100, Handwritten 

It’s clearly no secret that I quite enjoy writing. Aside from the fact that I’ve mentioned it over and over but the first clue is that this is a blog, one that I try to put a bit of effort into, keep it regular. 

When I was a child I used to spend hours sitting on the couch, hunched over a 1B5 furiously penning an almost illegible scrawl of a story out while it was still in my head. I had so many exercise books and all of them were filled with bits of stories that I’d think of to write but never quite be able to finish. I loved it though. Next to reading it was one of my favourite things to do. As a  socially awkward child who wanted to play with others but didn’t really know how, it was an escape.

Nowdays I don’t get the chance to out pen to paper very often. Even my course was done on my laptop for the most part. It’s practical and fast which is unfortunately the case for a lot of aspects of my life these days. But I have a some overdue Thank You letters too write which is another thing that I enjoy doing, so I’m going to try and get in the habit of spending time handwriting notes and maybe I’ll find myself inspired to spend some time writing stories again too, in my still ridiculously messy handwriting. 

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie

100 Happy Days 50/100, Medication Madness

Halfway!

I’d like to report that I’m feeling amazing, but the truth is that the second quarter of this challenge has been a lot more… challenging.

After the first quarter I felt awesome and I expected that to continue.  I’m not sure if it’s been apparent by the state of my recent posts, I feel like some of them have been a bit lacklustre, but my demeanour went downhill pretty quickly after day 25.

Positivity breeds positivity, but this month I’ve learned that I personally can’t fake it until I make it.  I’ve been anxious, depressed, overwhelmed and angry and it’s been getting progressively worse each day.  I’ve reached a point where I feel like I could snap at any moment.  So many little things annoy me each day and sometimes all it takes is the slightest flicker in someone’s eye to put a raincloud over me for a few hours.  I even got up and stormed out of work for a few minutes yesterday when I’d had enough of the chatter.

None of my posts have been untrue, each day I have posted about something that makes me happy but some days it has been a struggle to think of anything, even with my boy sitting in front of me being all adorable as he does.  I guess there’s only so many times I can post about him without getting too repetitive though.

I started freaking out about what was happening to me.  I’ve been feeling like the world has been against me, everyone seems to be having a go at me, angry thoughts have been taking over my brain and I’ve reverted back to an old habit of having arguments with people over and over in my head while in the shower or alone in the car.  Sometimes I even speak the words out loud which actually does make me feel better, but it’s a pretty fruitless endeavour.

Tired and grumpy but determined to get through

I realised a couple of days ago that I’d somehow stopped taking my antidepressant medication about a month ago.  I didn’t intend to, I don’t even know how I missed so many days, I’m usually very good at takinf it, but I have.  And it’s blatantly obvious that going cold turkey does not work for me.  I think it can even be dangerous for people, every time I’ve been on antidepressants when my doctor and I have agreed that it’s time to come off them I’ve been weaned off slowly, reducing the amount taken over a period of a few months.

Just stopping one night and not starting again, not a good idea.

The good news is that I’ve been taking my medication for four days now, the bad news is that it’s not a switch that can be flicked and it needs to built up in my body again before it takes a noticeable affect.  But I know it’s coming.

This is not exactly a happy post, though it does have a happy ending.  I’ve identified my issue and taken steps to resolve it.  Now I’ve got another fifty days to turn this challenge back around and I’m feeling a lot more positive about it than I was even yesterday.  I’ve felt like I’ve been slowly going insane, but I know it’ll only be a matter of time before I can see more clearly and feel a bit more like my alive and functioning self.  I just have to keep taking my meds.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

100 Happy Days 46/100, Preparation

I’m quite a disorganized person at the moment. I’ve never had particularly good personal organisationl skills but since I was pregnant with Bubble everything went out the window. At the time I needed to perfect it the most.

I’m always late. I’m late because I’m never ready to go in the morning. I rush round the house throwing everything haphazardly into different bags and lining them up by the door all the while feeding, changing and dressing Bubble while keeping him occupied at the same time. 

I’m always rushing because I struggle to get out of bed, no matter how well I’ve slept. But that’s another story.

After Thursday mornings events it’s occurred to me that should the worst happen, it would be a while before anyone noticed anything out of the ordinary. I need to be on time consistently. I have to at least try. 

So I’m ready for tomorrow. The bags are packed and sitting by the door ready to go. I just have to grab the food out of the fridge and they can go in the car. All I have to do is get the two of us up, fed and dressed and we’ll be on the road. 

I’m hoping to make this a habit over the next week or so, but for now I’m happy going to bed knowing that tomorrow is already off to a better start than normal. Plus the dishes are done!

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie

100 Happy Days 45/100, Self Care

‘It’s hard to be happy when someone is constantly being mean to you.’

How true is that. As soon as someone singles us out or even just makes a snide remark out of the blue, a lot of us feel upset or affected by this. There are people who treat these incidents like water off a ducks back but sadly I am not one of those people.

It’s an even bigger problem when I’m mean to myself and I think all of us are guilty at some stage or another. 

Being kind to ourselves takes just a little more effort, but makes perfect sense in order to keep ourselves both mentally and physically healthy.

Ditch the self deprecation. It serves no purpose. Sure, it’s a great thing to be able to laugh at yourself but make it harmless!

Remind yourself of your good Qualities. You have many, despite what you may believe to be the opposite.

Nourish your body. Positivity is actually easier when we’re physically healthy too.

Move your body. Our bodies thrive on movement, plus it releases endorphins!

Smile. It’s free, it’s easy and it might just make someones day.

I realised today that I have been subtly putting myself down a lot and sometimes not so subtly. Now that I’m almost halfway through this challenge I’m feeling positive enough to start being kind to myself as well.  

What are some things you do to be kind to yourself?

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie