100 Happy Days 89/100, Scaredy Cat

I’ve always thought of myself as a bit of a wimp.  Anxiety makes me scared of a lot of situations. I get nervous and antsy about confrontation, people yelling at each other near me, going first at something, making phone calls to strangers… Even little seemingly insignificant things can be terrifying when it’s one of your anxiety triggers.

Being at home alone overnight is a big one.  I’m sure a lot of people feel nervous, scared or uncomfortable in these situations so I don’t actually know if my fear is Anxiety related, but what I do know is it can be paralyzing, as soon as the light flicks off, even though I’m not actually afraid of the dark.

After getting up out of bed at least four times to make sure every window was shut, every door locked, all the inside doors closed so that I can hear if anyone opens them and then finally feeling comfortable enough to drift off to sleep, I’m usually jolted awake suddenly by a small noise or something minor that wouldn’t bug me if I was not home alone.

Then comes the racing heart and worrying that the intruder who I just know is in the house to murder me or something knows exactly where I am because they can hear my heart pounding. Or my breathing. So I shut my eyes tight, lie as rigid as possible and try to breathe quietly, all the while listening intently for any sign of this intruder who’s taking their sweet time to get to me, my mind jumping from one awful scenario to the next and wishing for time to speed up, morning to come and my sanity to return.

Sometimes I’d feel this terror even if I wasn’t alone in the house but if everyone who could save me was sound asleep. I needed every single cupboard in the house to be shut tight overnight regardless if someone is home or not. I also get the fear if I’m only going to be home alone for a little while, but in bed for a portion of the time. My imagination knows no bounds when it comes to home intrusions despite the fact I thankfully have never experienced one while I was at home.

Well this doesn’t sound like a very happy post. But I’m getting to that bit. Because I realised the other day that it has been a very long time since I’ve felt scared like this. Admittedly I don’t stay alone overnight very often anymore, especially since Bubble was born, but on the rare occasions that I do I feel totally comfortable. I don’t even know when the fear left me. 

Zombie pointed out to me the other day that I’ve been able to sleep with cupboard doors ajar for a while now, which is a good thing since a lot of the cupboards at our new house don’t close properly. He got me thinking about all the time I’d spent petrified in bed and realising that it’s been a long time since I felt that way. It’s a nice feeling.

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie

100 Happy Days 87/100, Dancing Queen

Bubble loves music, just like his Mama. He also loves dancing. If a song comes on that he knows or likes he will usually start having a boogie right away. Especially if it’s Iron Man by Black Sabbath. He could be off in his own world, playing with whatever toy is favourite of the minute but when the first few Tick, Tick, Tick beats of the song comes on he stops what he’s doing, throws his hand up in the air just like Daddy and starts rocking back and forth for the entire rest of the song.

Here’s a video of him rocking out at the ice skating rink waiting for Dad to get changed to one of my favourite bands, Abba. Boy has got some moves!

Once Zombie joined us I laughed at him about Abba to which he replied, “you can’t spell Black Sabbath without Abba.”

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie

100 Happy Days 86/100, Cutting The Cord

Tonight is Bubbles first night in his own room. He outgrew being in our room a while ago, but between my reluctance to not have him so close to me at night, which is still a bit of a an issue and a mixture of his room not being ready for ages an then not sufficiently heated, I kept pushing it back. 

I’m kinda nervous to go to sleep. I know he will be fine. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to let go and it certainly won’t be the last. It’s parenting which comes with emotional challenges almost on the daily but some are harder than others.

On the flip side, I’m feeling positive about having the wee man in his own room for all of our sanity. He wasn’t happy about being put to bed, but that’s been the norm the past few weeks, him pulling on my heartstrings by screaming blue murder for at least half an hour (it was worse tonight), but he did go down a lot faster and we haven’t heard a peep out of him since. 

Bubble still likes to sleep the wrong way

I don’t want to jinx it but a lot of friends have said their wee ones slept better after moving rooms. I’m hoping that with him not being able to hear or smell us so close will keep him out of our bed tonight which has also been coming a regular occurance. If he wakes up distressed several times that’s okay too. We will deal with it and try again tomorrow night. At least there’s two days to rest before going back to work if it goes pearshaped.

And now to try and ignore my nerves and get some sleep.

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie

100 Happy Days 84/100, Model

It’s always nice to be pampered and tonight I got to do just that at the same time as helping a friend out.

Hair in rollers for the first time.

She’s training to be a makeup artist and needs models for hair and makeup. I don’t wear makeup very often and since I finished my hairdressing course I’m the only person who touches my hair, so I put my hand up pretty fast to help her out.

I was a little nervous. My self esteem is a lot better than it used to be, but I’m still a long way off completely loving my appearance. I was worried my eyebrows would be too bushy and wonky to work with. The bags under my eyes were surely going to be an issue and what about my eyes that leak a lot and are swollen and red at the moment as they recover from the recent eczema bout.

I shouldn’t have worried at all. The tutor was very complimentary about my eyes, eyebrows and cheekbones which while a little embarrassing, did give me the boost I needed to feel less like a difficult subject. Plus Melissa did an amazing job, I barely recognized myself once she was done!

So now I’m sitting at home, all madeup and hair did with no where to go other than bed shortly. But I had a great night and got a bit of a self esteem boost.

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie

100 Happy Days 83/100, Good News

I heard some good news today. Someone I follow announced their pregnancy after three miscarriages. I was ecstatic. She doesn’t mention the miscarriages very often, I don’t think many people knew about the third one before today, but I was filled with excitement and relief for her.

I love good news, of any kind. I love watching and reading good news in the media, a nice break from the doom and gloom they usually focus on. I like sharing good news when I have it, no matter how big or small. And I love hearing about other peoples good news, in person, on Facebook, or even the old fashioned way with a phone call. 

Good news is exciting. It makes people happy and that’s something worth celebrating. I think we’re often quick to downplay our good news, worrying that other people might see it as bragging, but I think if people do actually feel that way that it says more about them than it does about us.

Tell me your good news in the comments. New job, a promotion, you won something, there’s a baby on the way, you’re going somewhere amazing on holiday, your family or friends are coming to visit, you bought a house, you won an appliance, you grew some vegetables, you had an extra tasty bagel for breakfast, you got all green lights on the way home from work, you lost that last five kgs or maybe you lost the first one. I don’t care how insignificant it is, I love good news and I want to hear yours.

Smiles and Sunshine

Katie