This time I’ve strayed from my usual metal/rock song and I’ve gone for something quite mellow, but still relatively alternative. It’s a very popular new song and I think the main appeal to the song is the fact that it is just so damn relatable! The song is called Here by Alessia Cara.
I’m sorry if I seem uninterested
Or I’m not listenin’ or I’m indifferent
Truly, I ain’t got no business here
But since my friends are here
I just came to kick it but really
I would rather be at home all by myself not in this room
With people who don’t even care about my well-being
I don’t dance, don’t ask, I don’t need a boyfriend
So you can go back, please enjoy your party
I’ll be here, somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana
With this boy who’s hollering I can hardly hear
Over this music I don’t listen to and I don’t wanna get with you
So tell my friends that I’ll be over here
Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here oh oh oh
I ask myself what am I doing here?
Oh oh oh here oh oh oh here
And I can’t wait till we can break up outta here
The song is about being at a party and feeling horribly out of place, just wishing you could be anywhere but here. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve felt this way. Sitting in the corner, waiting for the time that I could leave. Even being outside by myself, away from the loudness, the social pressures and expectations would be better than having to pretend that I wasn’t ridiculously uncomfortable.
I personally used to hate being at parties because I was terrified of being seen as the ‘loser’, the person by themselves not having fun with everyone else. I would often try to start conversations with people but there would always be someone more interesting than me to talk to so my attempts would usually be cut short. I also struggle with the noise of the music. It’s not always music that I don’t like, but I really can’t stand being in a social situation where you have to yell at each other just to be heard. The amount of times I’ve smiled and nodded when in reality I have no idea what’s been said to me is pretty amazing.
I’ve been told in the past that I’m like an Ice Queen. I was surprised by this, because I’m a pretty friendly person most of the time, but after hearing the first few lines of this song I finally understood it. After a while of being at a party I would often give up. Anyone who did try to talk to me after this point wouldn’t get a lot out of me. I just couldn’t cope with trying so hard for the entire night and it would get to a point where I would shut down and just wait to go home. Usually I’d pester my friends to get going from this point forward too. There have also been plenty of times where I’ve literally just walked out and walked home without telling anyone. I was always hurt that no one ever text or called me to check up on me, where I was or what had happened, but I think it was more that I was just so unnoticeable at parties, because I couldn’t socialise, that people rarely noticed.
I don’t go to parties anymore. I don’t have any desire to. I’m quite happy to socialise with a few friends, with the music on an audible but low volume so we can hear each other and I prefer these nights to be with an activity. Games nights, poker, movies, something so that I don’t have to spend the entire night trying to make conversation. It’s a lot easier for me this way and also a lot more enjoyable.
When I first heard this song I wondered if Alessia had social anxiety herself. After hearing it a few times and seeing the reaction online to the song I’m not so sure anymore. She quite possibly does, but I think that secretly a lot of people just don’t like the party scene and would rather spend a quiet night in, or do something fun with friends instead of struggling to prove themselves in a situation that they don’t even want to be in in the first place.
As always, here is the music video:
Smiles and Sunshine