It’s been a month since my son was born. By societies standards that means I should have lost all my pregnancy weight by now, or at least be well on the way to losing it.
Well I say, screw that!
For the first time in my life I can honestly say I don’t give a crap about what I look like.
I am overweight. I have massive love handles on my hips that stick out like a sore thumb and it’s hard to determine where my hips stop and my belly begins. I have dips and ridges all the way up.
My stomach is large, squishy and saggy. It hangs over my thighs so you can barely see that I’m wearing underwear. I have yet to see my c section scar, but the bandage covering it is hidden by the saggy stomach and due to the skin below my belly button still being numb I don’t like to lift it up to have a look, it just feels too weird.
I have large wriggly purple, pink and translucent stretch marks all over my belly that spread to my hips as well. My belly button has changed shape and depth and is also a lot darker in colour than it used to be.
My breasts are huge and change in size regularly due to breast feeding. Sometimes they sag, sometimes they’re firm and perky. They’re usually dramatically uneven in size especially just after my son has had a feed and despite having had several professional bra fittings I can’t find a bra that they sit right in all day.
I have more than one chin, saggy upper arms, thick thighs and chunky calves. My bum is very large, round and gravity defying. Despite my large frame it’s out of proportion with the rest of my body and makes clothing selections harder because not all pants fit over my hips and bum.
In spite of this, I love my body.
It has done amazing things. Over the course of nine months, it grew and nurtured a perfect baby boy. It changed in size and shape to accommodate him and mere days after he was born it started reverting back to it’s regular shape. Now my body is still working to nurture my baby, producing milk 24-7 so that he can grow and thrive. Plus being a Mum is exhausting, I’m exceeding my 10,000 steps a day just looking after him so it’s not like I’m not active.
Don’t get me wrong, I do intend to lose the extra weight, but not because I want to ‘look better.’ I want to be healthy and fit for my son so that I can keep up with him and take care of him in the best possible way.
I have put my body through years of torture. Drinking too much alcohol, smoking for far too many years, crash diets and years of eating nothing but junk food, not listening to it when it needed rest, extended stagnant periods and I felt hatred towards it all that time. I’ve plied it with myriads of prescription medications to combat all the years of mistreatment I gave it, which in turn gave me other complications to deal with.
I rejected my body, both mentally and physically for years, yet it stood by me, kept me alive and now has given me a son who hopefully I can teach body positivity to at a young age so that he will treat his better, but also so that he will treat everyone equally and not discriminate against size. It’s time to focus on the important things in life which is to enjoy the time I have and not spend my days worrying about the skin I’m in.
Smiles and Sunshine