Setting Small Goals

A few weeks ago I posted I’m Not Ashamed Of My Body where I wrote about how I have finally achieved body positivity towards myself.

Since then, I’ve been having back pain when driving and doing certain tasks, breathlessness when walking and my eczema has been playing up too, so I have decided to make a few small changes to get healthier.

image

I don’t have a goal weight or size, I just want to make a few realistic goals each week to get healthy again without making drastic changes which in turn could affect my son and then stick to them. My life is much busier now with a baby so starting out small is the best way for me to get back into healthier habits.

Tomorrow is the start of a new week and I’ve decided to set the following 3 goals to smash.

1) Stop drinking soft drink and swap for water.

2) Eat a decent breakfast every morning instead of grabbing something small as I rush about my day.

image

3) Go for a walk every day and hit at least 10,000 steps daily on my Fitbit.

I’ve been for a few walks lately and have enjoyed pushing my son in the pram, plus coming into spring it’s the perfect time to get out and about.

image

Next Sunday I’ll review how I’ve achieved these goals and hopefully set a couple more to work on the following week.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

Advertisements

Struggling With Responsibility

I had a low day today. Just one of those days that show up unexpectedly and knock me around for a while. I was tired and mentally drained and struggled to get out of bed. So I didn’t. I fed my son, put him back to sleep and went back to bed myself.

I woke up a few hours later and repeated the process. I could have quite happily (well, numbly) done that all day, but I decided that it was probably better that I got up and dressed at least, so I made a little effort.

I didn’t do much at all, just fed my baby and watched TV. But my son needs more attention than just feeding and nappy changes. He needs love and interaction from me and it wasn’t long before he was crying for some.

I didn’t know what to do. I was physically and mentally drained despite having done nothing all day and his crying made me feel like a failure. I wanted it to stop without having to do anything. I wanted someone to take over and just give me a break. I wanted someone to look after him for me. I listened to him cry for what seemed like hours, even though it was only about five minutes.

Than I started crying. I felt terrible for my son, having to wait for me to sort my shit out. He didn’t ask for a mother who can’t cope all the time and he doesn’t deserve it either. So I picked him up, told him how much I love him and apologized over and over even though I knew he wouldn’t understand.

Then something amazing happened. His little face lit up and he smiled. A big beautiful gummy smile that shone through his eyes as well. He shook his head gently back and forth and absolutely beamed at me. His first smile.

My tears instantly changed to happy tears. His smile was so beautiful and reminded me exactly why I wanted to start a family in the first place. For the beautiful little moments. He smiled at me three more times shortly after and it melted my heart more every single time.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had a low day since my son was born. I’ve had three and also several times where I haven’t been able to cope with his crying. I know that many new mums struggle with the responsibility as well, but I also recognized in myself that I was heading down the path of depression. Two weeks after my son was born I went to see my doctor and was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression.

I’m now on daily medication, have started attending a mums and bubs support group and am open with Zombie about how I’m feeling and coping. My mistake today was not going to the support group when I was tired and feeling low, something I won’t be doing again.

image

I’m just so grateful to my son for brightening up my day with his first smile and reminding me that it’s not the end of the world when he cries. Sometimes like me, he just needs a cuddle and a smile.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

I’m Not Ashamed Of My Body

It’s been a month since my son was born. By societies standards that means I should have lost all my pregnancy weight by now, or at least be well on the way to losing it.

Well I say, screw that!

For the first time in my life I can honestly say I don’t give a crap about what I look like.

image

I am overweight. I have massive love handles on my hips that stick out like a sore thumb and it’s hard to determine where my hips stop and my belly begins. I have dips and ridges all the way up.

My stomach is large, squishy and saggy. It hangs over my thighs so you can barely see that I’m wearing underwear. I have yet to see my c section scar, but the bandage covering it is hidden by the saggy stomach and due to the skin below my belly button still being numb I don’t like to lift it up to have a look, it just feels too weird.

I have large wriggly purple, pink and translucent stretch marks all over my belly that spread to my hips as well. My belly button has changed shape and depth and is also a lot darker in colour than it used to be.

My breasts are huge and change in size regularly due to breast feeding. Sometimes they sag, sometimes they’re firm and perky. They’re usually dramatically uneven in size especially just after my son has had a feed and despite having had several professional bra fittings I can’t find a bra that they sit right in all day.

I have more than one chin, saggy upper arms, thick thighs and chunky calves. My bum is very large, round and gravity defying. Despite my large frame it’s out of proportion with the rest of my body and makes clothing selections harder because not all pants fit over my hips and bum.

In spite of this, I love my body.

It has done amazing things. Over the course of nine months, it grew and nurtured a perfect baby boy. It changed in size and shape to accommodate him and mere days after he was born it started reverting back to it’s regular shape. Now my body is still working to nurture my baby, producing milk 24-7 so that he can grow and thrive. Plus being a Mum is exhausting, I’m exceeding my 10,000 steps a day just looking after him so it’s not like I’m not active.

image

Don’t get me wrong, I do intend to lose the extra weight, but not because I want to ‘look better.’ I want to be healthy and fit for my son so that I can keep up with him and take care of him in the best possible way.

I have put my body through years of torture. Drinking too much alcohol, smoking for far too many years, crash diets and years of eating nothing but junk food, not listening to it when it needed rest, extended stagnant periods and I felt hatred towards it all that time. I’ve plied it with myriads of prescription medications to combat all the years of mistreatment I gave it, which in turn gave me other complications to deal with.

I rejected my body, both mentally and physically for years, yet it stood by me, kept me alive and now has given me a son who hopefully I can teach body positivity to at a young age so that he will treat his better, but also so that he will treat everyone equally and not discriminate against size. It’s time to focus on the important things in life which is to enjoy the time I have and not spend my days worrying about the skin I’m in.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie