My first week back at work is done and dusted and it was weird. It was strange being back after four months although in some ways it was like I’d never left and in others I felt like the new person being trained as I was sitting next to the person who had covered me being shown what had changed and working together to get me back into the swing of it.
I didn’t cry as much as I expected. On Monday and Tuesday Bubble stayed with Mum, which was good. Everyone needs their mother at certain points in their lives and Monday was one of those days for me. She was right there when I broke down when I had to leave. We also lost Libby, our family dog of 17 years that day so we got to be there for each other for that and Bubs was a good distraction for Mum at that hard time.
Work itself was pretty good. My workmate who had been covering me did a great job. The person who had been hired to cover me ended up quitting, leaving a huge mess when he left, but the workmate who stepped up made sure it was all tidied up for my return. He worked ridiculous hours so that I didn’t have to and for that I was very grateful. It meant I wasn’t stuck at work all week and could rush home to my family which was exactly what I wanted.
On Wednesday and Thursday Bubble started daycare. Zombie and I decided to put him in In-home care instead of preschool. I just felt preschool would be too dramatic a change. But it was the first time bubs had been left with a non family member and I found myself teary and distracted the whole of Wednesday and some of Thursday. I did not get a lot of work done.
But Friday was the worst. Zombie doesn’t work Fridays so they are now known as Daddy Baby Day. Zombie has been looking forward to this but I never realized how much harder it would be for me knowing that my boys were out and about having fun without me. I finally appreciated how awful Zombie felt the first few days after Bubs was born when he had to go home without us from the hospital.
5am wake up calls to express milk then get ready for work before waking up Bubble, feeding and getting him ready for the day, dropping him at daycare then going to work, coming home and still having to eat, express, prepare for the next day, look after Bubs and unwind… It was so much more tiring than I expected. Zombie was great helping out and we were also lucky enough to have our meals donated to us by families through a new Facebook initiative called Meals For Mum which meant one less thing to do but there was more than one day where I was still on the go after 9pm.
I’ve said this a lot this year but I have never been so tired. I keep discovering new levels of tired and each time I feel like I couldn’t get any tireder, but apparently I can. I severely hope that there isn’t more tired than this to come.
I’d like to say that there was time to relax on the weekend, but there wasn’t. Bubs has been rather clingy this weekend. He’s usually very placid and good at entertaining himself when we need to do things or want to have a sit down but this weekend the only place he wants to be in our arms. It’s lovely, especially since I don’t get to see him much, but the crazy thing is it’s also exhausting. Zombie and I have been taking turns just so each of us gets at least a little break.
When I do get a chance to relax, I feel like I should be doing something productive. The house is an absolute pigsty (we’re still unpacking from the move… Slowly), all the day to day things still need doing and the garden and lawns are quickly getting out of hand. The only thing that isn’t getting neglected is Bubble. I actually wish someone would come over and clean my house, despite being embarrassed by the mess.
It’s not all bad. Since having a routine I haven’t had a hint of depression. I’m not saying it’s gone, maybe I’m just too busy, but it’s nice to be able to say that the only times I was upset this week were when I was missing Bubble. I had no listless periods either. It was nice.
I also had a wonderful reception when I returned to work. Everyone was happy to see me back and made sure I knew it. Something about being appreciated definitely makes me feel good about myself.
I’m not sure if it’s going to get easier now, but what I do know is I’ll get better at it and hopefully be less tired. It’s an adjustment, but no matter how tired and cranky I get, I wouldn’t trade Bubble for anything in the world.
Smiles and Sunshine