Today I did practically nothing. It was a low day. I made a few jokes on Facebook to try and make myself feel better, but the stress of the last two weeks since finishing up at work hit me emotionally like a tonne of bricks and left me feeling drained. I felt like the best thing for me was to just sit, nap, rest, just do nothing. So I did. I didn’t even put pants on until around 2pm and only because I was cold. It was nice. It was also the first day since going on maternity leave that I haven’t had a million things to do.
Maybe it’s just Murphy’s Law, but I’m at the pointy end of the pregnancy now, it’s time to be sitting around waiting, but I haven’t had much chance to. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a lot of sitting around, I don’t have a choice, some mornings a shower tires me out. I’m carrying a lot of extra weight (as you can see from my awesome maternity shoot photo below) and definitely need to take lots of breaks. So I do. But I’ve also had a lot of unexpected issues since leaving work which has meant less quality time with the couch than I’ve wanted.
I got jerked around with the car seat which took a couple of days and extra stress to sort out. I’ve had to rush around gathering the last minute things I need before baby arrives and for some reason I’ve gotten fussier about what I’ll settle for which is unnecessary stress I’ve been putting on myself. I’ve been freaking out about how tidy the house is (even though it doesn’t matter) and I’ve had some last minute minor complications with the pregnancy that both Anxiety and medical professionals have blown out of proportion. I’m finding it much more difficult than usual to remain positive and upbeat. I haven’t given up though and that’s what’s important.
I’ve had to go for last minute scans and blood tests, a last minute glucose tolerance test and even an appointment with an obstetrician since leaving work and I’ll have another one next week. At 38 weeks I was diagnosed with Polyhydramnios, which means that I have excess amniotic fluid. There are many different reasons why this happens, the most common seems to be larger babies or gestational diabetes. Based on the scan and blood tests, I have a large baby (not unsurprising as Zombie and I were both very large babies) and I do not have gestational diabetes.
I freaked out when my midwife told me about the Polyhydramnios. I had a friend who had the same condition in her pregnancy and she had quite a difficult time at the birth. Of course she had other complications as well which were more of a contributing factor, but as soon as my midwife said excess fluid, Anxiety took over and wouldn’t let me think clearly for a while. All I could think was ‘I’ve had a textbook pregnancy, no issues aside from low iron and it’s turned to shit at the end.’
My midwife came around the next day and explained to me that I was only borderline with my excess fluid. 1cm to be exact. If I lived in another country, I would even be considered 3cm under. We are just a little more cautious here. We discussed everything, she answered all my questions and I felt better. I can no longer go to the hospital I wanted to for the birth anymore, but I’ll be in good hands, so it’s not the end of the world. I also spoke to my friend about it, who reminded me that she had so many other complications as well and I was able to get a handle over Anxiety after that.
She referred me to an obstetrician just to be on the safe side, but said that it was just a precaution. At the last minute they decided they wanted another glucose tolerance test done, so on Monday morning I was rushed off for another one, with good results. No gestational diabetes. The following day I went to the obstetrician appointment in good spirits, thinking that everything was fine.
I have to say that was the weirdest medical appointment I’ve ever been to, even weirder than the eczema appointment I went to years ago where the doctor spent most of the appointment rushing back and forth between the room and his car which was illegally parked. I was sitting right next to the obstetrician and yet I could barely hear her she was so softly spoken. She spent 2o minutes telling me about gestational diabetes and then told me that because I didn’t have it that I had nothing to worry about and they would be sending me on my way. She did a brief feel of my belly and then said she was going to talk to her boss. I was left alone for ten minutes while she did this, wondering why I’d even needed to leave the house that day.
When she returned, she asked me if I drank fizzy drink at all. I told her that in the last couple of months I have drank some each day, but not in ridiculous amounts. I wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s been a craving, but it has been a lot more appealing than water for the last little while. She then told me that I might still have gestational diabetes because of that and that I needed a blood test and to come back in a weeks time to discuss c-sections.
That was an extreme bounce from, you’re fine, we’ll leave you to it, to all of a sudden I was probably going to have to have a c-section, all without any tests done and just what seemed like an in passing question about soft drink. I was confused, stunned and instantly started freaking out. That was the end of the appointment, so I went to get my blood test and then sat in the car and cried. A lot. I had no idea what was going on and I was freaking out on a major scale. I was also so confused because if I suddenly really did need a c-section then why were they being so vague and treating it with a lack of urgency? I was so upset I ended up driving straight to MHAPs and managed to squeeze in an emergency peer support session. Luckily it was with a woman who had had two c-sections in the past, which helped immensely.
After I’d calmed down I spoke to my midwife. She was confused too, especially since the blood test they ordered was one she had done on me several times throughout the pregnancy, the last one being two weeks ago. She promised to get to the bottom of it, which proved quite a difficult task. She just couldn’t seem to get anyone to return her calls even though as the person who had referred me she should have been sent the notes after the appointment anyway. It didn’t help that I couldn’t remember the obstetricians name.
Today I got an urgent courier sent to me, with another ultrasound appointment notification. Nobody had told me this would happen, so I called my midwife and let her know. Luckily the letter had the doctors name on it, so she was finally able to get some information. She still isn’t sure why they are redoing all the tests she has already done, but once they have all the information they are going to sit down with me and discuss my options for the birth. I may be induced early, they might recommend a c-section as an option, or they might let things pan out naturally anyway. My midwife has agreed to come with me so that they don’t try to confuse me again and has told me that unless it is in the best interests of myself and the baby that I do not have to agree to a c-section if I don’t want to and she will be there to help me make any decisions.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against c-sections in any way. I know that they can be life saving and that in many circumstances the best option for everyone involved, I just personally only want to have one if it is for one of these reasons instead of just as a precaution. I also feel like the whole situation could have been handled better instead of putting a heavily pregnant woman who is already emotionally unstable due to the hormones and her mental state under unnecessary stress by being so vague about the situation. I am just so grateful to my midwife who I trust and has both mine and the babies best interests at heart.
The appointment is next Tuesday, which feels like a lifetime away, but I’m no longer nervous about it. I’m still hoping for a natural birth, I’m really hoping for it to be any day now (so is Zombie, he is even more excited than me about our impending arrival), because I just want to meet my little one and begin my journey as a mother. I definitely could have done without these last minute issues, but at the same time I’ve been incredibly lucky throughout the rest of my pregnancy having had little to no issues at all. But, hopefully next time I blog it will be to announce that I have a son or a daughter and that everything went well.
Smiles and Sunshine