Stepping Back

This week I lost sight of what’s important and went running full speed into the wall. I caught myself before I reached the wall, but unfortunately it was too late to avoid it completely.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant now. I’ve got less than two weeks left at work and Murphys Law has ensured that the last few weeks while I have been training my replacement have been difficult. Issues I’ve never come across before in the nearly five years I’ve been in the role have been cropping up all over the place and we’ve been getting more and more behind as a result. At a time when I should be relaxing, letting go of the reins, focusing on the upcoming arrival, I’ve instead been working myself into a frenzy about the state I’ll be leaving my job in.

My problem is I care too much. About everything, not just my job, but my job is important to me and this week it took a front row seat in my mind. My job is not easy and it’s often stressful (I work in export and distribution which is usually full on and full of deadlines) and I do have freak out moments at times, but I’ve usually been able to go home at the end of the day and leave work behind until the following morning.

Not this week. Actually, not throughout most of my pregnancy, but this week was notably worse. I’ve put it down to hormones and tiredness, but this week I let the stress take over, so much so that even after realizing that a panic attack was on the way, I was unable to avoid it completely. I saw my midwife on Thursday after seeing how stressed and exhausted I was, she decided it was in my best interests to take a day off.

Unfortunately the thought of getting even more behind freaked me out completely. I immediately decided to ignore the advice and go to work the next day, which in turn freaked me out about how I would react to another busy day at work, which was the final piece needed to start the panic attack. Thankfully only my second since falling pregnant (the first at about ten weeks), but still, two too many. Once I’d calmed down I realized just how much I needed to let go of what I can’t control anymore (work) and to focus on the important stuff. Looking after myself and baby.

So this weekend I haven’t done much at all. I’ve put my feet up, I’ve had some naps, watched some movies and even refrained from doing any housework. Zombie has done all the cooking (which has been fantastic and deilicious) and I think the best thing was my baby shower yesterday, where I got to have a complete break for a few hours and catch up with family and friends, some who I haven’t seen in ages. I didn’t have to lift a finger the whole afternoon and it was just what I needed to pick myself up and get excited again about  the major life change I’m going to have in a few weeks time.

Tomorrow is a public holiday so I’ve still got another day to relax before heading back to work for nine days before my maternity leave starts. My intention come Tuesday is to take a step back and just watch, which is what I was doing when I first started training my replacement. I need to give them time to get a handle on what to do when things go pear shaped and just help out when needed. This is my usual approach to training and I just somehow managed to get myself lost this time around.

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There’s only a few weeks to go before a whole new potential for stress comes my way, so I’m planning to make the most of the time I have left by just enjoying it as much as I can. After a few days rest I’ve got my energy back and I intend to keep it for as long as I can, by listening to everyones advice and calming down.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

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15 thoughts on “Stepping Back

  1. I have just enjoyed reading this post.

    There will be stress when baby comes but it will be overwhelmed by the specialness of it all.

    All three of you will start a new life together.

    Craig

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah Katie… I’m just like you in caring too much about things I can’t control… But then given you’ve got little time with yourself before a bundle of joy and pain falls in your arms, just take some time to listen to music and read and do all that you love! Can’t wait to see pictures of the baby!!! Take care… Lots of love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I think I just needed a reality check, people like us who care too much can get so caught up in things! I’m looking forward to being able to share photos!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Be good to yourself, Katie. Rest, relax, and let go. I just discovered a new technique when I start to feel overly anxious… it’s called tapping. Have you heard of it? It’s worked for me so far to ward of a full-blown panic attack. I think for me it works as a distraction so I calm down and don’t focus on that which is causing me stress or anxiety.

    I hope you’re feeling better. Once you’re done with work, hopefully it’ll all be smooth sailing from there.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Katie. I enjoy your posts and wish you all the best things in life, as above comments say relax now and prepare for experiences unlike any other. How exciting my “baby ” almost 45 but I can remember the feelings although I was not working as one did not usually at that time. You will both have joyful times and stressful times but through it all will be love for your prescious babe.

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    1. I am really looking forward to meeting my baby, I lost sight of that this week with my stress but I’m determined to not let that happen again. Thanks

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  5. Listen to the advice but only take what fits. Else, baby raising can be super stressful. You know yourself and you will know your baby and what fits. Trust your instincts and do what’s right for you and baby. Look forward to meeting him or her soon 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know what you mean about the advice. I’ve had so much thrown at me since falling pregnant and most of it conflicts. We listen to all of it but we pick and choose what we take because at the end of the day we have to do what works for us, every family works differently ☺ The advice I was referring to was my workmates telling me to look after myself, they were definitely right about that!

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  6. Great post Katie, I’m glad you allowed yourself some down time this weekend. Sounds like you needed it! It’s very hard when everything builds up not to be hard on yourself, so I totally understand that you feel that you should be coping and handling everything perfectly, but you’re probably doing far better than you realise. Always a pleasure reading your work xxx

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    1. Thanks Stella! The break was what I needed. Work has still been tough this week but I’ve managed to distance myself ore which is helpful, certainly stops the freakout moments!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s so hard to balance being pregnant, working, training a replacement whilst also looking forward to your new arrival. No wonder your stressed! I’m glad you’ve took some time to relax and for sure, let your trainee focus on the tasks ahead as it’ll soon be their responsibility. Your goal from now on is to get some rest and enjoy the last few weeks before the new arrival. Caring too much is an admirable characteristic but now it’s time to be cared for 🙂

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  8. I think periods of stress and feeling overwhelmed happen to all who care and want to do their best with their various responsibilities. But they are also the people who make a difference. The important thing is that you realized what was happening and deliberately took several steps back over the weekend. You also have a plan for when you return to work. You are a smart, self-aware person and I’m betting on you to be that same person when that little one arrives.

    Liked by 1 person

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