I Don’t Know My Baby’s Gender. So What?

Zombie and I don’t know the sex of our baby and we won’t until the day we are graced with his or her presence, hopefully in around about nine weeks time.  This was my decision and something that I’ve always wanted to do since I was a child, dreaming of one day getting married and having eight children (that dream thankfully changed as I grew up).  I really like the idea that after however long my labour lasts not only will I get to meet my baby, but also have the surprise of finding out if it’s a girl or boy.  Zombie wanted to know and I was happy for him to find out, but he didn’t think he could keep a secret that big so he decided to stay in the dark with me which I thought was pretty cool of him.  We have nicknamed the baby Asskicker until it’s born, after Judith from The Walking Dead which is a fitting nickname for us.

The simple fact that we don’t know the sex has brought about some interesting reactions from people.  The majority of people like the fact that we don’t know what we are having, a lot of people claiming that it’s rare these days which makes it cool.  There are people who are in awe that we don’t know and will freely admit that they couldn’t do it themselves (one person even described themselves as too much of a control freak not to know).  There are people who are super excited that we don’t know (my mother and midwife included).  People like to guess, there has been a Facebook poll amongst some of my friends, sometimes people just throw it out there and I even had someone tell me it was a boy because of the way I was walking (I had a sore foot so I’m not putting much stock in that guess!)  Most people respect our decision to not find out, just as we respect anyone who decides they do want to find out the sex of their unborn babies.

And then there are the people who are pissed off that we don’t know.  Some people get so fired up about it, you would think that we were doing it just to spite them, despite the fact that some of these people are strangers.  These people will ask me if I know what I’m having only to give me a strange look  (sometimes even a scowl) when I reply no.  A common question I get asked is, ‘but how do you know what to buy?’ To which my response has become, ‘baby stuff…’  I’ve been called silly and misguided among other things for choosing not to know and I even almost ended up in an argument with a work mate over it, although I managed to keep it limited to a somewhat heated debate.

Zombie has been told that we can only buy white items as that is apparently the only gender neutral colour but as far as we are concerned colour isn’t gender specific.  I told someone a while ago that if I have a son who on his seventh birthday wants a pink butterfly cake, he will get a pink butterfly cake.  The person was horrified and told me that would make a boy turn gay.  That’s probably the most ridiculous response I’ve had seeing as you can’t make a person gay and at the end of the day, if our child does turn out to be gay neither Zombie or myself would be bothered.  It’s a non issue.

I’ve gotten into quite a few discussions about colours for babies recently and there are so many differing opinions on the subject.  One person looked at me in disgust and told me that there was no way in hell they would dress their son in yellow which I found really interesting as I’d always thought the only colour people would really have an issue with on boys would have been pink.  It’s all just stereotypes though.  Babies can’t even see colours until around five months of age, by which time they’ve probably outgrown most of the clothes they had been wearing previously.

Yesterday Zombie and I went to a baby themed market, which was full of all sorts of baby related items and definitely opened my eyes to even more things that I am going to need.   We also found an amazing stall selling baby and toddler clothes and toys for children of alternative parents.  There were Zombie onesies, adorable stuffed toys with skulls for faces, little backpacks claiming the wearer to be the future of metal, so many amazing items that Zombie and I spent much of our time at the market rifling through this stall and chatting with the owner about how awesome everything was.

Zombie decided to buy Asskicker a cute little stuffed toy rabbit with a skull for a face and it just happened to be pink.  We had already told the owner that we didn’t know what we were having, yet she didn’t even blink when we purchased a pink item for an unknown gendered baby, she just kept chatting to us about how much she loved the rabbit as well.  We did end up in a discussion about the fact that it was pink and some people might have an issue with it if we have a boy, but as Zombie bluntly stated, ‘the baby won’t see a problem with it unless some judgemental twat living in the past tells him that pink is only for girls.’

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I don’t understand why people get so annoyed at my decision to leave the sex of my baby a surprise, but I find it quite funny just how heated people get about it.  So far, not one of these naysayers has managed to convince me that there is a genuine need to know the sex of my baby before it arrives.  Zombie and I don’t have a preference, we don’t need a boy or a girl, we just want a healthy little baby which with how everything is progressing so far, is exactly what we have.  Our child will grow up with toys and clothes of all colours and themes.  There will be animals (there will be lots of giraffes as they are my favourite animal), zombie themes, music and sports themes, there will be trucks and dolls, Lego and Barbies, construction toys, pretend cooking toys, it doesn’t matter.  As far as we are concerned gender does not define a childs personality or abilities and that’s the way it should be.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

 

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18 thoughts on “I Don’t Know My Baby’s Gender. So What?

  1. That bunny is adorable! I’ll tell you a secret, but don’t let my son know I told you… he still (mostly) sleeps with the stuffed animal he had when he was a baby. He loves it so much, he covers him up during the day to keep him safe. I know he’s getting big for that, but love is love, you can’t fight it. 😉

    About the silly people who insist on being idiots because you don’t know your baby’s sex… they’re idiots. 😉 You’re doing great… continue on doing what you’re doing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is adorable! I think it’s really sweet that he still loves his stuffed toy :). My sister slept with her teddy bear until she went flatting and from what I can tell the only reason she stopped is because people gave her shit about it (which is a shame). One of Asskickers Auntys actually has a stuffed monkey that she takes everywhere with her and she’s older than me! He doesn’t have his own Facebook but he pops up on hers so often that it’s actually strange to see a photo without him!

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  2. Congrats on waiting to find out the general of your baby it is the truely exciting thing not knowing and as you say it’s more important that you have a happy heathy baby that is being welcomed into a loving family . Will follow now as I like your style.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and your comment. I agree that not knowing is very exciting, surprises are a wonderful thing! Thank you for the comment and my apologies for the delay in response.

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  3. I love this sentence because I think it defines you: ” Zombie and I don’t have a preference, we don’t need a boy or a girl, we just want a healthy little baby.” You are so common sense, open, and accepting. Your baby is going to be one lucky boy or girl when it comes to parents.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I spent so much time focusing on the not important things in life that I’m trying to be realistic now, about the things that matter and just enjoying life. I hope that my child will be the same and I agree with you that mine and Zombies attitudes will help with this.

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  4. i am a little surprised in some ways and also not surprised at all in other ways that some people get their nose all bent out of shape over such an issue of not knowing the gender, a lack of knowledge that puts neither the mother nor the baby in any medical danger. it just goes to show that even in the second decade of the 21st century, people are all messed up about gender. in the end all it really shows is their massive insecurity about their own gender identity such that someone else not knowing the gender (which for most of human history was the case for everyone) is such an existential threat.

    so threatened are they that they cling to whatever they can to maintain their sense of stability in regards to gender (and one’s biological sex) that color becomes an actual issue.

    i think it was about four years ago when some actress said she let her young son paint his toenails different colors because he saw doing her toenails and liked it. the outcry and gnashing of teeth over this was mindbogglingly. [there was of course those who talked about turning him gay] Idiots. and that;s being kind to them.

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    1. I agree with you that it is a sad state of affairs that people are so hung up on gender and sexuality etc. It’s also a relatively new thing. In Victorian times, all children wore dresses regardless of gender, well into toddlerhood. Also pink started out as a colour for boys, it was considered a strong colour like red, but softer for the smaller beings. I don’t recall the ‘incident’ with the actress letting her son paint his toenails but why not? Zombie and I have a friend who has a 6 year old boy who paints his nails cos he likes to be like his mum. He also plays zombie games on the Playstation, participates in sports, has nice manners and is a pretty well rounded kid for a 6 year old. Who really cares what’s supposed to be for boys and girls?

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  5. I love this! Totally agree with you. Our boy had a pink girls doll that he liked. All good with us! It is funny how there is a double standard when it comes to colours and their meanings, how is is “ok” for a girl to play with boys stuff because that is cool but boys, if they touch a pink thing, it means they might “become gay”. Pfft! I think children should be surrounded by all colours. Then maybe they will learn to stop judging others based on the colours they wear! 🙂

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    1. Completely agree and our baby is going to have the luxury of all colours. Babies and toddlers like what they like, such as pink girls dolls for your son and we should be letting them express their personalities accordingly, like you did 🙂 Like you I find it funny that it’s ok for girls to be tomboyish but when a boy has an interest in a perceived ‘girls’ activity or colour it’s a red flag. The mind boggles!

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  6. I was ecstatic that we couldn’t find out our babies gender, I didn’t want to know but Richard did, luckily she had her legs crossed on our scan and I said to him “it’s meant to be we are not meant to know”. It made labor so much better mentally, because you are busting your boiler to find out whether it’s a boy or a girl. You work so much harder because it’s a surprise and you have waited so long for this day. Once D Day is finally here and you deliver your beautiful baby to the world, you wonder what you were worried about as it really is a positive experience, not negative like so many people make it out to be.

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    1. That definitely is meant to be! My sister in law didn’t want to find out but in her words ‘boyo was out and proud’ and she felt that was meant to be too. I think not knowing adds mystery and makes it all the more exciting, plus I agree with your comment about working harder during the labour cos I really do want to know now. People and their opinions are just annoying lol.

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  7. First of all- I’m a MASSIVE walking dead fan so your nickname is so cool. I’m jealous I didn’t think of it for my little guy when he was a bump! Gender neutral I completely agree, my Little guy will get whatever he wants in whatever colour he prefers. I have dressed my little guy in yellow- I haven’t in pink but he’s got pink books etc. Shocking about the gay comment. And the bunny- love it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The gay comment was ridiculous, but I’ve learned that when it comes to pregnancy, everyone has an opinion and not all of them are complimentary! I’m pretty pleased with our nickname, but I’ll be even more excited when we can give our baby one of the names we have decided on. Only a few weeks to go now, thanks for reading and thanks for your gender post, it was a great read ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I think you and your husband/partner are both normal and anybody who has an issue with you not wanting to know the sex of your baby is … [place your choice of derogatory word here.] 🙂

    It’s your baby. Neither its sex, nor whether you wish to know it before giving birth concern other people in the least. Note I’m not even commenting on your choice, only on that nobody else but you is entitled to make that choice and other people should respect it! I can’t believe anybody would have the cheek to criticise you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I have to admit that some of the things that have been said to me are pretty shocking, especially considering like you said it’s my choice. If it was doing my baby harm then of course I’d find out the sex but as it isn’t I really don’t see what the issue is. Thanks for reading!

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