Let’s Talk Counselling

Although nothing is certain in life, there are things that we can count on and one of those things for me, is that at some point in my future I will need counselling again. I’ve been through counselling several times, sometimes because I desperately needed it and sometimes as a preventative measure, but each time it was incredibly helpful and I don’t regret doing it for a second.

First things first, I’d like to point out that there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing or getting counselling. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, people have been doing it for years and as long and you go into it with an open mind, the benefits will be well worth any stigma you may have put on yourself. Counselling isn’t limited to mental health issues, you can get it for relationships, career advice or just general stress relief as well. There are plenty of high functioning mentally sound people out there who have a counsellor just so they can debrief with someone neutral about the stress of living in the modern world. I had a counsellor once who told me it was her belief that everyone should have a counsellor and I couldn’t agree more.

The thing about counsellors is, they aren’t ‘one size fits all.’  Some specialize in different areas, others offer general counselling, but the biggest part about them is that you need to be comfortable with them. If you don’t click with them, you aren’t going to benefit from their services. Like with everything else in life, when it comes to counselling you don’t have to settle for the first one that comes along.  Some people prefer a female, some a male. You might be more comfortable with someone older, and you may prefer someone who will come to you as opposed to going to their office.  At the end of the day it is a persons choice who they want to divulge their feelings to and you dont have to feel bad for not clicking with everyone. Counselling is designed to help, so the best way is to have it is your way.

There have been a couple of times that I have requested new counsellors. It was nothing personal against the person who I was seeing at the time, it was simply that I didn’t feel at ease with them after the first couple of sessions. I’ve found the best indicator for whether or not a counsellor is going to be able to help me, is how I feel when I leave the first session. I always feel mixed emotions when leaving every session, some good, some bad, some where I even cry for a while before starting the car, but if I don’t feel like some of the weight has come off my shoulders after that first session then I know that I need to see someone else.

Another way I decide if a counsellor is right for me is by how at ease I feel during the session. This is harder to judge, as the sessions can be quite confronting and therefore make me tense throughout, but often it’s the subject matter that makes me tense as opposed to the counsellor themselves.

image

Counsellors are supposed to be neutral. Their job is not to fix your problems, but to listen, and help you come to your own conclusions of how to deal with what life is throwing at you. They can offer relaxation techniques, advice and help you come up with plans of attack but they cannot tell you what to do, laugh at you, make you feel stupid or judged for what you are talking about. If at any point you do feel this way, it’s time to see a new counsellor.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Let’s Talk Counselling

  1. The first time I saw a counselor was back in the ’70s and I was maybe 9 or 10. I had suffered some trauma, 4 deaths in a short period of time, and I couldn’t handle it (I thought everyone close to me was going to die and it was all my fault). Luckily my mother recognized that and sent me to a counselor. Funnily, I remember nothing of my sessions other than the last one when I told the counselor, “You’ve cured me and I don’t need to see you anymore.” Which was the absolute truth. Counselors are good, they help people, and I wish you much success with your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry I forgot to reply to this! I love how you were able to tell the counselor that they had cured you, I’d love to be able to say that to one one day instead of just, “yup I can human for a while on my own now.”

      Liked by 1 person

  2. i believe you’re spot on about counseling. I’ve been through a lot of it over the years for mental health reasons and for me personally I like to divide things between counselling and therapy. Counseling tends to focus on what happened since the last session and what what is to be done before the next session. Therapy is about delving down and bringing up to the surface as much as one can in order to make sense of how one’s life unfolded and gain control over that unfolding in the future. In many cases, both counseling and therapy happen within the same session (jumping from how I bitter feeling about my brother’s actions decades ago to what chores I need to get done in the next week). It is easier to find someone who can be a good counselor than it is for a therapist because it is a much more sensitive endeavor to start going down into the depths.

    I had started therapy recently (after just going through counseling for the most part for last couple of years) and have actually this week decided to stop for the time being. I completely believe in the value of therapy and counseling, but at the moment therapy was dredging up more than I could deal with, when dealing with those things weren’t critical to achieving balance in my life. For the time being I have opted to focus more on a personal meditation path as a form of therapy. What is best for me personally right now is to “let go.” There is so much I intellectually know I need to let go of, and have no desire to hold on to, yet I can’t seem to. My hope is this phase will bring me to a place where I can go back into therapy and achieve more positive growth.

    I guess I’m rattling on because this is on the front of my mind. I am actually going to go hiking on a one maybe two night trip in the state forest — solo. This is not my comfort zone to say the least, so some of it is a kind of “facing one’s fears” sort of thing. But it is also about doing a “retreat” and just being, breathing, practicing letting go.

    Thanks for the space to rattle about this. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great Post Katie. I love your blog, I feel we’re on the same wavelength! I first got counselling two years ago and i was so embarrassed. I’d always considered myself strong and thought that meant battling everything on my own, but it really is in being able to have the courage to reach out when you need to. It honestly saved my life and made me realise that I’m actually ok being me and doing a good at it. Looking forward to more posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey thanks and sorry I’ve taken so long to respond. I often feel the same way when I read your posts, I feel like you got your shit together a lot earlier in life than I did but that’s a really good thing, I especially loved your post on looks, I wish I’d read it fifteen years ago!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey no worries and thanks I’m glad we can both read each other’s work and empathise and with the shit together thing I think it comes from always having to look out for myself from a young age as my older sibling was difficult and got more of the attention. I’m glad it helped it was very cleansing to write it 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I am a counsellor and it’s lovely to see such a positive post about it. It used to be a taboo subject but is now much more widely acceptable. I’m new to blogging (today actually) but I look forward to reading through your posts over the nest few days/weeks. Take care and keep positive! Jo 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, I truly believe counselling is an important and vital service and wanted to express that. Thanks for stopping by!

      Like

  5. I agree with Jo, I too am a counsellor and it is so good to see posts that speak about positive experiences, all going to help reduce the stigma attached to receiving help. Keep up the good work 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s