I’m 24 weeks pregnant now and I’ve been showing for a while, so much so that I’ve already been asked several times if I’m having twins. I’m not, but according to a lot of people, I’m looking very pregnant and a lot bigger than I should be.
It’s given me a bit of a complex.
My midwife has seen me, felt my belly and assured me that everything is where it should be, that I’m not huge. Friends who have been through pregnancy before have also said not to worry about it, that there are so many factors in the size of the bump and that everyone is different. Add to that the fact that I didn’t have a flat stomach to begin with and it’s all perfectly normal. Yet I’m still fixating on my bump.
It doesn’t help that it’s an abnormal shape. It has a dent. A dent! A large dip that spreads across my entire stomach at my belly button. What kind of baby bump has a dent?
I always thought that if I was ever pregnant that it would a guaranteed time in my life that I wasn’t body conscious. Obviously there is weight gain during pregnancy and it’s not ‘just fat,’ it’s for a damn good reason. There is a tiny human growing at a rapid rate inside me, that’s a good reason for my body to change shape and it shouldn’t be a source of embarrassment.
So I don’t understand why I’m so obsessed with it.
I can’t hide it. Most of my regular clothes are too small now and I’ve taken to wearing what’s comfortable, the best advice I’ve been given so far, but the downside to that for my insecurities is that my bump is out and proud the whole time. I haven’t told anyone on my course that I’m pregnant, but the way some of them glance at my bump when they see me and give up seats for me when I’m standing makes me think it’s pretty obvious. It makes me wonder if my bump was nice and round the way I expected it to be if I would feel any better.
I decided to write this post and take a picture because rationally I know I’m being ridiculous and I’m hoping that this will help me get over it. Until now I haven’t had the guts to share pictures and I haven’t really taken any anyway. I’ve gone from the person who took a selfie and a picture of myself doing yoga almost everyday to camera shy, something I didn’t even experience when I was at my largest weight.
My size should not be my focus at the moment. Obviously I have plenty of other baby related things that I think about all the time as well and my baby is healthy and progressing well which is the important part, but I’d like to get rid of my bump insecurities and focus on the important and not superficial stuff.
Am I crazy or is bump insecurity normal in pregnancy?
Smiles and Sunshine