3 Days, 3 Quotes, Part 1

I was nominated by some wonderful fellow bloggers, Elusive Trope and From Crazy With Love for the 3 days, 3 quotes challenge.

When I completed the #LoveMe challenge,  I was bordering on the decision not to do any more blogging challenges.  As I mentioned in the final post of that challenge, I didn’t particularly enjoy it.  I wanted to write my own topics.  But after a bit of thought I’ve decided to go ahead with this one last challenge, because there are a few quotes that I genuinely do want to share.

Today I am starting with a quote from the great James Hetfield… Well, a few lines from one of my favourite Metallica songs, so same thing.  It is likely that most of my quotes will be from songs, music speaks to me, both lyrics and composition, like nothing else.

Do you bury me when I’m gone
Do you teach me when I’m here
Just as soon as I belong
Then it’s time I disappear

This is from the chorus of the song I Disappear.  It’s one of my favourite Metallica songs (although if I’m honest I’d probably say the same about at least half their songs) and it’s also the song that led to them losing a lot of fans… because of their responding lawsuit to the song being leaked early on Napster. Personally, I’m not bothered either way by this controversy, I love Metallicas’ music and that’s reason enough for me to be a fan for life.

The reason I chose this “quote” for day one is because for the longest time, I felt like this song could have been written about me.  The entire song.  Obviously it wasn’t, and I actually don’t know specifically what it is about.  There are many schools of thought on what it could be about, but for me, it spoke to me personally, about my social phobia, before I even knew I had it.

At the height of my depression, this was one of the few songs I listened to.  It made me feel like I wasn’t the only person out there who struggled to make social connections.  Don’t get me wrong, I had friends and acquaintances, but I rarely felt like I fit in very well and on the odd occasions that I did, it was usually followed quickly by the disbandment of the friendship, not by my choice.  Obviously there are exceptions to this, but I was so insecure that I never noticed or appreciated the genuine friends I had for the longest time.

Do you bury me when I’m gone

This line impacts me in a big way.  I have been both the victim and instigator of backstabbing, on many an occasion.  As far as I knew, it was normal.  I backstabbed my supposed close friends to anyone who would listen, one, because I knew they were backstabbing me and two, because the friendships were superficial, we would all be in desperate need of friends so we clung to each other, even though we hadn’t established a genuine emotional connection, due to our personal yet similar issues.

Do you teach me when I’m near

I’ve often had people take me under their wing.  I never hid my awkwardness so I naturally became a project for a lot of people who again had their own issues.  They liked to change everything about me, teach me if you will.  Usually these people didn’t have my best interests in mind however, it was done to make themselves feel better.  I was viewed as not good enough, or lesser than them.  It would make them feel better about themselves, knowing that there was someone weaker than them out there.

Just as soon as I belong
Then it’s time I disappear

As I mentioned above, I’ve often found that as soon as I felt comfortable in a social situation, the situation would usually change.  Whether it was me literally being dropped from the group, or some factor changing that I genuinely couldn’t handle, I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times I have finally felt accepted only for the situation to 180 and leave me confused as to what happened.

The entire song speaks to me about my social phobia.  Drifting from group to group, hoping to be accepted, while hating myself and my awkwardness in the process.  I often pretended to be strong, outgoing and confident (alcohol helped) to get myself in with a group, which would usually result in the ‘disappearing’ part when they realised that the confidence was just a front.

I want to stress that this is not true of all my friendships in the past.  I have met a lot of people in my time and had some wonderful times.  It just took me longer than it should have to focus on the people that accepted me for who I was, struggles and all.  Nowadays, while I still have social phobia, especially in large groups, I appreciate the friends that I do have.  And while I don’t see many of them very often, I no longer desperately need to.  I have learned that friendship does not mean you have to see and be in contact with each other every waking minute.  Alone time is amazing and some of the best friendships in the world are between people who only see each other once or twice a year.  But when they do, nothing has changed and they still enjoy each others’ company.

Here is a link to the song.  It really is a great song and I still love it because it reminds me of how far I’ve grown as a person.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

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4 thoughts on “3 Days, 3 Quotes, Part 1

  1. I definitely believe a quote is something someone wrote / said no matter what the form it appeared in. You expressed how you related to the lyrics is such as flowing and understandable way, and how it related to you social phobia. Too often people will just say “I can relate to that” but I wonder if they can actually articulate how so — which doesn’t mean they don’t relate to it or the words resonate with them. Yet you so well demonstrated why someone should delve into just why there was a resonance.

    The song is awesome. I saw “Some Kind of Monster” and I probably, my theory, would be the self-awareness of James Hetfield evident in the documentary were beginning to rise to the surface at this period. And for the record (no pun intended), I thought and still do believe the Napster lawsuit was more than justified. Taking something for free that cost someone else to create, not to mention just create (even I copyright my works), is highly unethical if not borderline immoral.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, I’ve often wondered the same thing myself. I’ve always like to discuss why I relate tho things as opposed to just commenting that I understand. And some kind of monster was awesome! We also have Through the Never, which we’ve watched about a thousand times.

      Liked by 1 person

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