I’m finally getting through this challenge. Something I have accepted about myself is that I sure can’t do everything! Doesn’t stop me from trying though…
I’ve discussed in previous posts the negative opinion I’ve had of myself for most of my life. As far as I was concerned I was useless, ugly, basically good for nothing. I didn’t try to do anything because I ‘just knew’ that I wouldn’t be able to do it.
From the outside, I probably looked like I thought I was better than everyone. I know I tried to cover up my insecurities by acting this way. I would smirk at things all the time, every emotion was negative. I didn’t like to see people succeed and I was very quick to point out any down sides to peoples achievements I could, to other jealous people of course. I was the walking definition of Tall Poppy Syndrome.
This year, I have accepted that I am not useless. I am still working on not constantly thinking of myself as ugly, but I know for a fact now that I can do things I set my mind to. What’s changed? My attitude and a little bit of effort.
Gone are the days of putting people down behind their backs due to jealousy, purely to make myself feel better. Now I celebrate their successes and support them, as they do me. I no longer wake up angry at myself, constantly telling myself ‘there’s no point, don’t even try’ because there is a point. I’m not scared of failure anymore because failure doesn’t have to be forever.
It might seem like a strange thing to accept, but it is a pretty big deal to me. It’s turned me into a different person. A happy person, a person who wants to live life to the full, finding as much enjoyment as possible in each day and sharing it with people along the way. I think that’s a pretty alright way to be.
Smiles and Sunshine