I could sit here and ramble on about things I’ve achieved, especially this year, but I feel a bit self involved doing that, which is silly because this challenge is supposed to help me feel more secure within myself. I’ve got a long way to go.
I think there is a social pressure put on people to be overly modest these days. We downplay our achievements for fear of judgment. And why not? There are plenty of people out there who want to see us fail. I even used to be one of those people. There was nothing I wanted to see more, than someone fail. It didn’t matter if I knew them or not, it made me feel like less of a failure, better about myself. It made me feel better that I had nothing to be proud of myself for. Or so I thought.
I had no self confidence at all. I viewed myself as worthless, which resulted in jealousy, spiteful thoughts and general unhappiness. I didn’t like feeling this way, but it was all I knew. Until I realized that it didn’t have to be.
I don’t know specifically what made me realize that I could get through disappointment in myself without jealousy of others. What I did notice though, was the happier I felt for other people, the more worth I recognized in myself. This made me happy.
My self esteem is still lower than it should be, but it’s in a much more positive space than it has been previously and I feel that that is definitely something to be proud of.
Smiles and Sunshine