I never used to like myself. I decided at a young age, while I was in primary school, that liking yourself was not cool. Not the done thing. In my mind, no one liked themselves. That would be uncool and being cool was important, the most important thing in the world. Being cool meant that you were worth something. Everyone wanted to be cool, therefore they all hated themselves.
I was never cool, no matter how hard I tried. And try I did. I pretended not to care about anything, I put myself down and meant it, I tried to pretend that I wasn’t book smart. That’s what the cool, popular kids did. Surely doing that would make me cool too?
All I really wanted was to be liked. I would have done anything to achieve that. My family liked me, why didn’t anyone else? I had a few friends, but I wasn’t close with anyone. I was the weird kid, different, abnormal, chubby, a try hard. Being a try hard was the worst thing a person could be, but in my desperation to be liked, thats what I became.
I look back on my childhood and adolescence with mixed feelings. I had a great life. A big family with brothers, a sister and lots of cousins who played with me and didn’t care that I was a bit weird. Sure I annoyed them from time to time, but they accepted me for who I was. That wasn’t good enough for me though. I wanted real friends. Family wasn’t real friends. It’s probably part of the reason I turned my back on them in my later teenage years.
The thing that took me the longest time to learn, was the importance of being liked. It’s not important at all. What’s important, is that I like myself. Not to sound conceited, but I am pretty amazing. I have a caring nature. I am creative with words, food and music. I can sing, run, laugh, show compassion, work hard and love. I can take a joke (a reasonably new talent) and I know when to quit joking around. I have a determination that sees me get back up no matter how many times I fall down and a passion for seeing other people succeed and doing what I can to help them get there.
I have so many qualities that I like in other people, so there is no reason for me to not like myself. The thing I like most about myself? I like being me.
Smiles and Sunshine