Hmmm. As someone who makes a lot of mistakes and also has a tendancy to berate myself regularly, this is a tough one.
Obviously I’ve done plenty of everyday things right. I’ve held down a few good jobs, paid my bills, eaten my veggies and gotten myself to the ripe old age of 32 despite all the hiccups. Considering some of the situations I’ve put myself into I think that’s quite an achievement.
I guess the biggest thing I’ve done right is learned to show myself some respect. I’ve spent a large portion of my life doing other peoples bidding. Always associating with people who were stronger than me and who would tell me what to do. It didn’t matter if I wanted to do these things or not, it was more important to me that these people liked me and therefore I had to do what they wanted.
It was physically and mentally exhausting. You can’t please everyone all the time, no matter how hard you try and often the harder you try, the more you annoy them. Also being so available and willing often leads to people walking all over you. It doesn’t matter if they’re doing it intentionally or not, if you let them, they will.
I wasn’t ‘made’ to do anything terrible. There was no law breaking, nothing morally questionable or that may have hurt or upset people, just a lot of drinking that I didn’t want to do, going to places I didn’t want to go and spending time with people I didn’t want to see.
After a while I started saying no. It never stuck though. I’d end up saying no over and over again, for an hour or so, before finally agreeing in the end because it was easier. Putting my foot down was not something I was capable of doing, so while I was slowly learning some self respect, I didn’t want to be walked all over anymore, I was still unable to go through with sticking up for myself and doing what I wanted for a change.
I definitely haven’t learned to stick up for myself. While I am better at not putting up from things, I tend to avoid situations instead of facing them head on. But I still view it as an improvement from being walked all over and I have on the odd occasion stood my ground when necessary. Because it’s an improvement from my former self, I’m viewing it as something I’ve done right.
Smiles and Sunshine