#LoveMe Day Twelve: Share A Flaw

The weekend has arrived! It’s also spring, which marks the start of flat out busy weekends for me. I think my next free weekend is sometime in November but I’m pretty sure that won’t last. It’s funny, I spend the winter having relatively quiet weekends, sometimes wishing there was more going on yet come spring and suddenly it’s a whirlwind of activities and responsibilities that makes me sometimes wish for a quiet day.

Never satisfied, maybe that could be my flaw for today’s topic.

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My flaw I have chosen to discuss today is my tendancy to jump to conclusions. I’m almost certain it’s linked to my anxiety, because it’s usually a thinking error.  It’s a negative habit that I’m trying to break, but one that creeps up on me at the least expected times.

Today for example, I got it into my head that my friend Lioness, who I wrote about yesterday, was angry at me for writing about her and didn’t want me in her life anymore. The reason I thought this, was because I hadn’t heard from her by lunch time. The fact that I knew she had a busy day planned didn’t come into it, in my head, she was mad at me.

Of course she wasn’t, like I said earlier, she had a lot on today and when I did hear from her one of the first things she told me was how touched she was that I’d written about her on the blog.

If I send someone a text message and they don’t reply in a ‘timely’ manner, I often freak out and spend a while wracking my brain for reasons why they could be angry at me. If someone isn’t bright and cheery towards me I often jump to the same conclusion. It starts as a niggly feeling in my stomach that quickly turns to a consuming anxious feeling that no amount of reasoning with myself will lessen.

I don’t like to tell the people in particular that I’m concerned that I think they may be annoyed with me. I used to, but I was almost always wrong and I felt that it made me look a bit ridiculous.

See, here’s the thing: I know its irrational. I know that people don’t get pissed off that easily and if I do somehow manage to annoy the people that care, they will tell me. Not in the nasty yelling or confrontational way that scares me, just in a ‘hey man, that wasn’t cool,’ kind of way. But somehow knowing this fact doesn’t stop me from jumping to conclusions for the smallest of reasons.

A long term goal of mine is to leave this flaw behind. The fact that I know it’s irrational is an achievement. Even this time last year I didn’t think it was irrational, I thought that it was completely normal to jump to the worst case scenario and run with it. In time, I hope that jumping to conclusions will be a thing of the past. Baby steps.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

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6 thoughts on “#LoveMe Day Twelve: Share A Flaw

  1. So, umm, yeah, I’m one of those people that doesn’t text back, call back, email back, in a timely manner, if at all.
    I like how you’re working the baby steps. Tiny accomplishments for some are huge milestones for some of us. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One of the ways I’ve been working on overcoming this I by not responding immediately myself. The downside is sometimes I leave it too long, that’s a whole nother issue Lol. Any progress is progress this ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The whole text matter is a big one. Not so much in a “timely manner,” but when (1) I’ve known they’ve had hours of free time, (2) are in constant texting others mode, and (3) the response needed amounts to about five or six words. Ends up boiling down to respect. And truth be told I’m experiencing this right now, causing me to take extra meds so I don’t send a text I’ll regret tomorrow.

    But in the end, I always have the voice of one of my therapists in my head, saying in response to some jumped-to conclusion “and what evidence to have to support the individual feels that way?” Errrg, I hated that question because I wanted to wallow in my negative assumptions.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like how you bring up the matter of their free time. One thing that really bothers me is when I text a person who I know has their phone glued to them, like I do, but they still take hours to respond. I realize that it may be an issue with them though, they may not want to seem too eager, or maybe, like me, they sometimes just can’t be bothered having a conversation, whether through the digital world or in person at that time. I just have to keep reminding myself that the world doesn’t revolve around me ☺

      Liked by 1 person

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