#LoveMe Day Five: A Note To My Past Self

If I ever ran into younger Katie, there is a lot I would want to tell her. This post was hard, because I didn’t know where to start. Add to it that she probably wouldn’t listen and that makes it even harder.

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Dear Katie.

You are not perfect and you never will be. I know that right now you think you know everything, but the reality is, you don’t and once again, you never will. You think that being cool is the most important thing in the world. You know you aren’t cool however, which upsets you.

Desperation is not the answer.

All those things you think you need, a boyfriend, to be popular, all that junk food you insist on eating, the smoking and the drinking, are not going to make you happy.

You are a good person. You have a kind heart and you want to be liked by everybody. Deep down you know this will never happen, but you still try. The harder you try to achieve this, the further you will fall. You don’t have to accept every offer that comes your way, because not all of them are going to benefit you. Just because a boy takes an interest in you, doesn’t mean you have to be at his beck and call. Just because a person thinks you’re fun, doesn’t mean you should pursue a friendship with them. You’re in such a hurry to get through your life. Slow down. You don’t need to be married and start a family yet, you’re still so young. No I mean it, you are.

Trust your instincts. You know that sinking feeling you get when you meet certain people? It’s not wrong. Ever wonder why you don’t get that feeling with everyone you meet? It’s because they’re not all bad. I know that you gravitate towards the people who give you the sinking feeling, because they give you the time of day. They seem so together and ‘cool’ but the reality is they’re struggling just as much as you are, they’re just better at hiding it. That sinking feeling is a warning. They smell your desperation and it’s only a matter of time before they start walking all over you. Because you will let them. Because you ‘need’ to be liked. Being liked is more important than being happy right?

You actually do have friends. There are plenty of people who find you interesting and do not want to take advantage of your caring nature. I know you can’t see it, because you need everything now now now, but if you’re patient you will see that these people genuinely like you, for you. Not the drama queen who gets drunk and cries, not the girl who pretends to like things she doesn’t, but the girl who has interests and an opinion of her own. If you cry because of the way your ‘friends’ treat you, they aren’t your friends and if you’re losing touch with other people because of them, they aren’t your friends.

What other people think of you is none of your business. It doesn’t matter what you do, there are people out there who are going to talk shit about you and there are other people who will believe what is said. It doesn’t matter. The people who count are the ones who will stick by you. If no one sticks by you, that’s OK, it’s not forever. Spending the night at home on Friday is not a bad thing.

You are not as fat as you think you are, but you will be if you keep eating this way. Just because you get fast food cheap and free at work, doesn’t mean you should eat it. Eat something green every once in a while and you won’t feel sick all the time. You also need to stop thinking that you will ‘wake up skinny one day.’ You won’t. Losing weight takes work. You’re not ready for that.

You are talented and full of potential, you just need to move on from your superficial desires. You think that you are useless, because in your opinion you have a crappy job that anyone could do and no other prospects, but if that were true then wouldn’t everyone be doing it? You have a job, be grateful. If you don’t like it, look at your options. Study doesn’t make you a loser, so don’t be afraid to do it.

Stop wasting your money on your stomach. You worry about your size, yet all you do is buy food. This isn’t going to change, you will be obsessed with food for a while, you like eating and that’s better than the alternative, but go to the supermarket instead of the fish and chip shop or McDonald’s. You’ll have more food for less money that way. You might even be able to afford to go on those trips you keep having to turn down.

Your mother loves you. Stop being scared of her and be honest with her. Sure, she might be disappointed, but she’s not going to hate you. She will probably even help you! She only wants whats best for you. That’s why she doesn’t like those people you get the sinking feeling about. You’re not too old to need her and you never will be. Go see her more often (current Katie, take note of this too).

Lighten up. Life is to be enjoyed. If something goes wrong, its not the end of the world, there’s no need to be upset, scared and angry all the time. If it’s not fun, don’t do it. Whether it’s a job, a party, a supposed friendship or a flatting situation, you have the power to change it. Maybe not immediately, but you can take steps to make your life more enjoyable. You just need to stop being lazy. Complaining doesn’t help anyone and it also makes you less likeable. Complaining about and blaming other people for the state of your life is also off putting. I know you think you’re expected to bitch and moan about everything, I know you think that’s what makes you cool, but unfortunately, that’s the root of your problems.

I know you don’t want to hear this. You know everything already remember? But have a think about what I’ve said, because you are capable of great things, you just need to have a little faith in yourself.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

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