I Thought it Was Normal

The other day I read a blog post called Anxiety And Panic Attacks and one of the lines in it really struck a chord with me.

I thought it was normal.

I’d actually forgotten what it was like to think it was normal. For the longest time I thought I was the only one who obsessed over things and felt emotions so strongly they would dominate my life and make daily tasks feel impossible, due to my depression and anxiety  But when I was a child, for a little while, I thought everyone was like me.

It didn’t take long for this to change. As I’ve mentioned before I struggled to make friends. I was shy. So scared of every situation, talking to other kids was all I wanted to do, but I was worried they wouldn’t like me or would think I was weird. And I thought it was normal to feel this way, until I realized that I was the only one who didn’t have any friends at school.

Ok, I did have a couple of friends, but I didn’t have a best friend and I tended to flick from group to group, trying to fit in and not feel excluded. I didn’t fit in with the popular group and I struggled to interact with the other kids, so I often spent my lunch hours reading in the library to avoid having to try. There were a few other kids who spent most of lunch in the library, but not many. That’s when I started to think there was something wrong with me, I wasn’t normal. And it upset me.

This carried on for most of my school life. I had friends occasionally, but none of the friendships ever seemed to last very long. I knew I wasn’t normal now. And for a while it didn’t bug me. In high school I liked being weird, because it got me attention. Not good attention, but attention all the same. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but I did get teased a bit. While I didn’t enjoy the teasing, I secretly liked the attention.

These days, I not weird, or different, or normal, I am Katie. I get scared when some others wouldn’t, but those people have fears of their own that don’t bug me. I stress out about things that my friends and family remain calm during, but they too have their own stresses. I get excited really easily, about snow, about certain TV programmes, and Christmas (I’m like a child) whereas some others find these things mundane, scary or frustrating.

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I have my own ups and downs, my own successes and my own failures. Just like everybody else. There is no normal and no abnormal because everyone’s path is different. That’s just how it is. I spent a long time thinking I was normal and then agonizing over the fact that I wasn’t normal. I think we all do this in our own way, but I’ve learnt to just keep on being me. It’s all I can do and it’s as ‘normal’ as I can get.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

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13 thoughts on “I Thought it Was Normal

  1. Eeek! Thank you for mentioning my blog. My goal in life is to help people. I’m glad that my story helped you. Continue to stay strong and kick anxiety in the butt! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello Katie. Just came on your blog for the first time and already I see we have a lot in common.
    I also didn’t have a lot of friends in school. One reason is because I’m blind and as a person with a disability I don’t think a lot of people know how to act especially kids. Everyone kept pressuring me that I wasn’t social enough and that made it worse. Anyway I also do have depression and anxiety which really kicked in in high school. My parents would always say I was too sensitive or emotional and needed a thicker skin etc. Getting diagnosed and learning more about how I process things specific to me has helped a lot. I had a therapist recently who told me everyone processes emotion differently. I love your post and your honesty.

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    1. Hi Sam, thank you so much for reading and your comment, I am incredibly touched. My cousin is deaf so I understand how hard it can be to get through life when other people don’t know how to be around you. I’m really sorry to hear that your parents told you to be tougher, its not that simple! I hope that things are getting easier for you these days ☺

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  3. The previous blogger just commented what I was about to do, I have an irrational fear to spiders, even the smallest one… No one is normal 🙂 loved you’re post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not scared of spiders but I do have an irrational fear of eyeballs (long story). I completely agree that no one is normal, thanks for reading ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Katie. I’ve experienced anxiety and depression for years as a teenager. Like you I also thought it was normal. Clearly not!I found out years later that I had Aspergers. That explained a bit. Explanations are one thing. Coping is another. I’ve tried every technique over the years but the one thing that lacks with me is consistency. I try something that works but I don’t keep it up. I’ve accepted that I will always have anxiety but I’ve realised its just a feeling. I won’t die. It can’t hurt me and it won’t hurt you either.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Consistency is definitely key and that’s something I’ve been working on this year. Thanks so much for your comment, I hope you are well.

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  5. Dear Happy Healthy Kiwi Katie, So glad I read your post on the Happy Healthy Green Natural Party that I pinned it. I think what you wrote is beautiful, especially this.”There is no normal and no abnormal because everyone’s path is different. That’s just how it is. I spent a long time thinking I was normal and then agonizing over the fact that I wasn’t normal. I think we all do this in our own way, but I’ve learnt to just keep on being me. It’s all I can do and it’s as ‘normal’ as I can get.” Great insight! Nancy A @ obloggernewbie.blogspot.com. Write on dear one. WE need more spokespersons for individuality. Let your unique self shine!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading, your kind words and for pinning! I am just muddling through life but I do hope to inspire others through my ups and downs.

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