You know those people who don’t have their own opinions? The type who will proudly say, ‘I like this,’ only to change their mind when someone disagrees? A bit of a pushover?
I’m one of those people.
Don’t get me wrong, if you bring up a subject I have a strong feeling on, like the wearing of crocs (simple, don’t do it), I will tell you in no uncertain terms exactly what I think of it, sometimes I’ll even get into a heated debate about it. I can be very pigheaded when it comes to trivial things like that. If i don’t like something, it’s usually a very very strong emotion. I’m not sure where this courage comes from though, because the main reason I tend to outwardly change my opinion to suit the people I’m talking to is because it’s easier than dealing with confrontation.
Because, of course, disagreeing with someone means you absolutely have to have an argument with them.
Sounds ridiculous on paper, but for some reason, this is the way my brain perceives it. I’ve never been a fan of confrontation, whether I’m involved, or nearby to one, unfortunately in my attempts to avoid it, I usually lose myself in the process by going against what I truly believe. The amount of times I’ve agreed to or with things I don’t want to because of this is seriously astounding. My flight or fight response is very strong and its generally flight, because that’s ‘easier’. And when I choose to ‘fight’ I tend to turn into a bit of an arrogant prat.
I’ve gotten into lots and lots of arguments when I have disagreed with people. For some reason I used to associate disagreeing with someone’s opinion as them being straight up wrong. This is not how opinions work, but it took me a long time to learn this. Instead of accepting the other persons opinion then offering mine up for discussion, I’d usually come out with a ‘no you’re wrong because’ and be quite rude with the rest of my response. Of course all this ever got me was a huge pile of regret littered with anger and fear that I would obsess over for weeks, sometimes even months after, while I’m sure the other person would have forgotten about it moments after writing me off as a person not worth the drama.
I am getting better at being my own person, without being a dick about it. With my close friends, I’m quite happy to disagree with them. Because I’ve known them for a long time, I know that they aren’t going to turn their backs on me just because I don’t like the same things they do.
Zombie and I disagree a lot. I sometimes feel like we disagree with each other just because we can and not because we actually do! He likes documentaries, I like cooking shows. He likes really really hard metal and I like a bit of everything when it comes to music (there’s not a heap of music that we both like), he thought the dress was blue and black, but I still see a gold and white dress, even after they revealed it was in fact, blue and black.
We hardly ever argue though. Almost never. And it’s not because I give in and agree with him all the time, it’s because we know we are different people and that’s what we like about each other. I used to believe that to be friends or have a relationship with someone, that you had to have everything in common, agree on everything and never ever argue. Of course none of my relationships worked this way and while I don’t take full responsibility for the failure of them (it does after all, take two to tango), I do understand that my misconceptions were a huge factor. But that’s all part of growing up.
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t taken so long to grow up. I’m now able to have some really interesting conversations with people, where we share our conflicting views, and accept them while not being swayed. I’m also able to disagree with people now without making myself look like an idiot, which sure is nice, but I guess that because it took me so long I can appreciate it more.
I’m still scared of confrontation. On the rare occasions that Zombie and I do argue, I’m always scared that he is going to leave me (which I know is ridiculous). I usually avoid telling people if they’ve hurt or upset me because I’m afraid that will make them angry and I don’t want that. I still freak out about disagreeing with peoples opinions, but I’m able to do it without negative consequences now and I appreciate that more because it took me so long.
Smiles and Sunshine