Lately I’ve been on a bit of a downward spiral. I’ve barely exercised apart from a little yoga for about two weeks now. I’ve slipped up on my elimination diet a little, not majorly and nothing that can’t be undone, just a little processed food here and there, but after 6 months it’s a little disheartening. I’m starting to get tired all the time again, my mood is swinging all over the place, my eczema is coming back with a vengeance and worst of all, I’m slowly putting weight back on. To the point that I’m not the only person who has noticed.
I do not want this, but I feel like I’m stuck in a bit of a rut at the moment. I’ve had a lot of compliments recently from people about my weight loss and general overall changes, but I don’t feel like I deserve it anymore. This is the first winter in a really long time that I haven’t been depressed, which is a huge win, but I certainly do feel like something’s not right. And with the weight gain and return of the eczema, it’s getting me worried.
I’ve been doing a bit of research on Seasonal Affective Disorder. Wikipedia explains it as people who usually have sound mental health who tend to get depressed in winter (winter blues) or summer (summertime sadness). Obviously I don’t fit into this category, but it certainly makes me wonder if we are all to some extent, affected by the seasons.
I love summer. If my mental health is suffering, I tend to improve. I’m more motivated to exercise and go out. I like to organize BBQs, go for walks up the hills, spend time with people and am generally a happier person. Last summer. When I was eating clean, was one of the best I’d ever had. The weather wasn’t perfect, but I had so much drive and I managed to kick start my health journey which until recently was going swimmingly.
But now, winter is well and truly here and I’ve lost my Motivation Hat. I’m running out of ideas on how to find it too.
I’ve had a few wake up calls. I felt quite sick and bloated recently after eating way too much chocolate and far too many peanuts. I’ve had some terrible nights of sleep recently, which I think is directly related to the overeating and lack of exercise. My mood on Friday was disgusting, to the point that I was incredibly rude to my workmate and a friend, which, while I used to make a habit of this, I have made a point of not being rude and snappy like that this entire year. I had it pointed out to me that my clothes were looking less baggy the other day and the fact that I’ve been contemplating using steroid creams on my skin again is a huge sign that I’m abusing my body. Steroid creams are not good for me!
I’m not giving up. I’ve come too far to do that. I’m still eating healthy the majority of the time, which is good, I just need to get everything else in check, stop treating myself daily (chocolate). I need to get out of bed in the morning and jump around for a while before work. I need to completely cut the processed food out again. The theory of ‘a little won’t hurt’ clearly only works if it is genuinely only a little and not several times a week. I need to start practicing daily gratitude again and most of all, I need to calm down. I know I’m not depressed again, I haven’t even come close to gaining back all the weight I’ve lost, my skin, while worrying, is not beyond repair, I just need to stop sliding further and further to avoid these outcomes.
Any goals we have in life are first and foremost only achieved if we are 100% mentally committed. I was, which is why I did so well for so long. I’d like to get back to that point. Winter isn’t going anywhere so I need to learn how to get back into it when every fibre of my being wants to take the easy way out.
Today I forced myself to meal prep for the first time in a long time. I’m now fully prepared for the week ahead, food wise, which I’m hoping will take some of the pressure off. I’ve set my alarm for 5.30 am tomorrow and I’m going to have an early night so that I’m less tempted to turn it off and go back to sleep instead of getting up and kick starting my day with a decent workout. I’ve even put my workout gear in the lounge, ready to go. Tomorrow is a new day, a new week and a new chance to get back on track.
Smiles and Sunshine