Today I feel like I had a setback with my depression recovery. A minor setback, but one with a positive outcome.
I have always been greatly affected by people’s moods, generally the not so favourable ones. If someone near me is angry or upset, I have a tendancy to become uneasy. It is something I have been working on but for some reason today, it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
My day started out great. It was a warm morning which made a nice change from the bitingly cold mornings we’ve had the last week and I was in a fantastic mood. Seriously fantastic. I’m usually pretty happy most days lately, but today I just felt on top of the world. It was a good way to start the day.
My mood stayed high for a while. Work wasn’t too busy which also made a nice change and I was able to get quite a bit done, however not long after I started two of my workmates had a very heated discussion near me.
This isn’t uncommon at work. It’s a high stress environment and tempers do flare at times. It’s not uncommon to hear out of the blue expletives in the distance but it’s always short lived and really just a way to let of steam. And I’m completely fine with this and I’ll admit, I do it too.
Today was a little different. The disagreement had nothing to do with me, it was just the fact that it happened near me that set me off.
At first I didn’t really notice what was going on. Then after I while I started to feel tense. It was at this point that I started to lose focus on work and as much as I was trying not to listen, I couldn’t help it. I should have gotten up and gone for a wee break at this point, but I didn’t, which was my mistake.
After the conversation was over, I was feeling glum, a little anxious and quite distracted. In a short space of time I had gone from being really happy to experiencing a number of negative emotions that I didn’t want to deal with. I tried to distract myself with my work, but I should have known this wouldn’t help. When I get anxious I tend to work on auto pilot and think more about my ‘problems’.
It wasn’t long before I decided I didn’t want to feel this way. I had left it too late to fix myself with relaxation techniques, but it wasn’t too late for someone to step in. So I text Zombie.
I gave him a very brief rundown on what had happened and went into detail about how it had affected me. I had barely put the phone down when I had the perfect response from him.
He told me to take a few moments to acknowledge what had happened and how it had affected me and then move on. He reminded me of how far I have come and the massive successes I’ve had lately. He finished off with a compliment. It was perfect.
Instantly I was smiling and felt calmer. Seriously, that man is amazing. I’m so glad that I contacted him instead of spending the day in a nervous funk for no valid reason. I am very lucky to have someone so supportive in my life and I am grateful for that every single day.
Anxiety often closes people off from the world. There is a tendancy to withdraw and dwell on our thoughts than to reach out and tell someone who may be able to help us calm down. I believe this comes from fear. Fear of rejection and ridicule and of course in an anxious state, our fear is heightened. But if there is someone trustworthy that you can pull aside and say ‘hey, this is how I’m feeling right now,’ then hours of mental anguish can be saved. People who care about us just want to help and we should let them.
Smiles and Sunshine