That Overwhelming Feeling

Wow oh wow I have been stressed out this week. I’m so far behind at work that I’m starting early and finishing late almost everyday and it’s taking it’s toll. I’m coping, I think a huge thanks to my elimination diet for that, but I am noticing that I’m more tired than I have been for the last couple of weeks and I’m a little irritable. Nothing compared to how I used to be, but enough to notice.

I’ve also had heaps on outside of work. Dinner is getting later and later and more rushed because of everything I have to do. I had my depression support group last night and I almost didn’t go because I was exhausted. But I’m so glad I did. If I had stayed home, I would have spent the night up and down doing little chores like I always do, instead of relaxing. I decided that I needed to go, because I knew how mentally tired I was getting and I figured I’d regret not going.

We did an exercise I haven’t done with the group before. They layed out a heap of random photos and asked us to choose the ones that best represented how we had been feeling for the last few weeks and then to explain to the group why.

I chose a picture of a busy market in Vietnam or Cambodia or somewhere, I’m not too sure. It was a very full picture, lots of people bustling around, lots of stalls, bikes and karts. It was also a little blurry which spoke to me as well.

I chose this picture, because that’s how I feel at the moment. I told the group I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. I told them that I felt like my days were blurring together. I explained that I was coping very well considering, but that I was berating myself for the mistakes I had been making at work. I have the full support of my company, as we are all in the same boat at the moment, so I’m not worried about getting into trouble, I just get angry at myself for making mistakes in the first place.

It all came rushing out and I felt better almost instantly. Obviously I’ve been sharing my feelings with Zombie, but there’s something about the people I go to group with, I feel like they completely understand and I’m comfortable telling them anything even though three months ago I hadn’t met a single one of them and I’ve actually only seen them about 8 times.

The point of the group is not to offer advice, or ‘fix’ people, but just to give us a safe environment where we can feel comfortable talking about what we’re going through without feeling judged Or looked down on. We all share as much or as little as we want, there’s no pressure. Sometimes just listening to how the others are dealing with life is enough to make me feel better, because even though they are on their own journey, I can relate to aspects of it.

We are all different ages, sex and race, with different backgrounds and different stories. I am the youngest which is not a situation I’m in very often, but I like it. It makes me feel almost nurtured. We meet once a fortnight and I always look forward to them. I was so nervous the first time but everyone was so welcoming and friendly that the nerves left pretty early on into the session.

I’ve seen a few counsellors over the years and they’ve certainly helped, but I really feel like I get more out of group than I do from a counselling session. These people understand completely. They don’t say “do this, that’ll fix it,” instead they say, “it’s ok to feel this way.”

They have helped me to understand that I am not broken, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with me, I am just struggling a little. They have helped me be strong enough to smile even when its difficult. They have given me the guts to share my story, on this blog and my Instagram account. They have given me hope that it won’t always be this way.

I recommend anyone who is struggling with depression to research support groups in your area. You don’t have to tell people that you are going, they are 100% confidential and completely safe. Every group is different, so you might have to try a few different ones before you find the one that suits you, but when you find that group, you will know.

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                          Still Smiling

Today at work was probably the worst day yet. There was a power outage last night in our area and while it was sorted within a few hours, it wrecked havoc on our servers. I spent the whole day doing everything manually and I will have to start early again tomorrow to catch up on what I couldn’t do today, but I felt calmer throughout the whole day because last night, even though I couldn’t be bothered, I went to group.

I hope you all enjoy the rest of your week, whatever it may bring. I’ll check back in on Sunday with my recipe of the week, no idea what it will be yet though.

Smiles and Sunshine
Katie

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