Happy Tuesday everyone! Or should I say Transformation Tuesday!
I’ve mentioned in previous posts that my elimination diet is not about weight loss. And it’s not, however for as long as I can remember I’ve been unhappy with my weight.
I was the fat kid in school. All my friends and schoolmates were ‘normal’ but I was bigger. It wasn’t until I got to Intermediate school that there was even another kid in my year that was ‘big like me’.
I got teased for it, of course. To be honest I don’t think it was as much as I imagined, but it was enough to make me nervous about my size. My brothers and sister have always been really skinny too which didn’t help. They knew how to upset me with it too. I was the annoying older sister and I remember once or twice being called ‘fatty molofo’, looking back I guess so they could get rid of me. I’m also sure they remember it differently, I mean siblings do pick on each other!
I remember an ex once saying in conversation, ‘someone Katies size’. I was horrified at the time, because I thought I was skinnier than a mutual friend, but apparently not. Then I got this image of me being twice the size I actually was. I don’t blame him at all for how I responded to that comment becaus looking back my reaction was ridiculous but I think there were a lot of factors going on then. Undiagnosed depression and anxiety playing a huge part.
I used to convince myself that I was eating healthy. I worked at McDonald’s at the time, so I got cheap food. This was obviously making me bigger. The only exercise I did was walking to work (I didn’t drive back then). So I started getting salad burgers on my breaks. And chips and drink. So really, I wasn’t eating well at all. But I convinced myself I was.
I spent years obsessing about my weight but the reality was I was never going to lose it if nothing changed. I went on plenty of ‘diets’ but after two days would treat myself. It’s not a treat if it’s regular!!! I’d join gyms and go for a few weeks but that was about it.
My PCOS was (and still is) a huge factor. For women with PCOS, weight loss is not often as simple as calories in verses calories out. But I’ll talk about that another time.
And of course every time my depression flared up I would eat and eat and wallow so I’d always gain back any weight I lost. One year work held a ‘Biggest Loser’ challenge, which I won. I did really well! But then for various reasons I got depressed to the point where work intervened (another story but I’m so grateful for that) and gained a bucket load of weight in the process.
Long story short that bout of depression was when I realized that I needed to change. I got help, which I’m still benefitting from. I started doing yoga and experimenting with healthy foods in the kitchen. I started occasionally biking to work. I started looking for the positives in every situation.
The picture on the left was taken at my mothers wedding on the 12th of December, 2012. It was not long after this that my depression hit and I gained about another 5 kgs. The picture on the right was taken tonight, the 10th of February, 2015. Just over two years apart, just under 20 kgs difference. Just look at my waist!
I refuse to be the girl on the left again. Eating well and looking after myself is my top priority. It started out as a weight loss venture but it became so much more. I now value myself, I feel good about myself and I’m positive about the future. All from wanting to lose a bit of weight. I still have a way to go but I know that as long as I continue to look after myself, I will get there in the end.
Smiles and Sunshine